It is Nice to Belong

Where Do I Belong?

I have seldom felt like I belonged wherever it was I was at, whether it was school, work or anywhere. I have always been comfortable with myself and never worried about fitting in. I do admit though, it is a nice to be accepted and belong to a group of people. I have finally found that place where I belong. I knew that before yesterday (Thursday) but yesterday solidified it for me. First though, this is what lead up to that realization.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Yesterday I had to deactivate my Facebook account. Facebook is not to blame, Facebook is what it is. It was a series of things over the course of two weeks that had me spiraling long before I logged onto Facebook.

Almost two weeks earlier, in a failed cat bath attempt, my Cat, Dexter, bit me to the bone on my left thumb. Two days later, on Easter Sunday, my wife and I are at an urgent care facility and I have a serious infection in my thumb. They give me a prescription for a strong antibiotic and send us on our way.

After another two or three days I started feeling awful; my joints were stiff, my body ached and I was exhausted. It felt like someone had turned up the gravity. Based upon symptoms and situation, it was determined I likely had Cat Scratch Fever, which is more of a nuisance than it is something to be worried about. I was taking four Motrin, three or four times a day, just to function at a bare minimum.

Spiraling

A week after the initial cat bite I start getting this pain and prickly, electric sensation across my back. I was thinking, What the hell? Shingles? I call and make another appointment with my primary doctor, my second visit in a week. The thumb is improving, but still infected. The doctor thinks my back issue is an allergic reaction to the antibiotic I am taking. That is possible, my body reacts in weird ways to medication. He prescribes me a different antibiotic.

A couple of more days pass, it is Thursday (yesterday) and my thumb is improving and physically I feel better, but I am still drained. Then the final straw. Due to the fact I have missed time from my job, because of illness, I am financially stressed. It always seems to be money or lack thereof, that pushes me over the edge. Now I am spiraling. Every negative thought I can think about myself floods my brain, it is like the plug is pulled and my life force is draining away. My reaction is to fill the void with anger.

In that empty, angry mindset I log onto FaceBook. I cannot say that I went on looking for a post to piss me off, but one of the first ones I see, did just that. To top it off, it was one of my father’s post. My father posts a lot of religious memes and also a wide variety of wrong information. I was looking for a target to unload my anger on and I was locked in on my father. And the filter was off.

I ripped him. I straight up called him a racist for an anti-Islamic meme he posted. This is not about my father though, he just happened to be the unfortunate target. Shortly after ripping my father I deleted my comments to his posts and deactivated my Facebook account.

I see Facebook as slimy pool of disinformation, shared freely and nobody even bothers trying to refute it any longer. It is bad information on all sides, in a world where alternative facts exist, truth has to be searched for. Most people are too lazy to look and just accept whatever narrative they decide to believe. Typically I can ignore this ignorance, but yesterday I could not.

Writing Helps

After deactivating my Facebook account I decided to do a little free thought writing. Open my mind up and write any and all thoughts that pop into it. As often happens during these writing sessions, I found the answer I was looking for. I remembered a motto I live by, “I’ll get through, I always do.” Remembering that helped relax me and I felt hopeful.

Afterwards I went on Twitter and posted this:

A series of unfortunate events all leads to today. Drained, mentally, physically, drained. Within, essence funnels downward. Darkness, alone, empty of being. A light found, in hopes faith of better things. The end.

Where I Belong

I then talked to some people (writers) in #WritingCommunity on Twitter, these are a great group of supportive people. The support received was more than enough to get me to feeling better. It seemed many creatives were feeling blah or stressed yesterday, so as I felt better, I began to support others that needed it. And that is the way a community should work.

That is why I am elated to be involved with a community where I feel like I belong. The #WritingCommunity is open to all, but it is filled with creative types that look to help others and like to ask some fun, interesting questions. I am in place that I can grow and learn and be supportive and helpful to others. I am finally where I belong.

Thank you for reading. Thoughts or questions, please comment below.